Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to.

You've heard about those so-called "Unanswerable Questions?"  You know, like "Why do drive up ATM's have braille keyboards?" and "If 7-11 is always open, why are there locks on the doors?"

Well, I have some unanswerable questions of my own.  For instance....

Why does Max always have to pee on the same spot on floor right in front of the bathtub?  Why can't he just wait and pee when he gets in the tub?  Or heaven forbid, pee in his diaper right before I take it off?

Why does my daughter, who regularly can't remember things like putting on clean underwear, and absolutely cannot process two-step directions, (i.e. "Put on a belt and come downstairs,") never fail to remember that two weeks ago last Tuesday I said that going to the pool would be fun and can we go right now, please, please please? 

Speaking of, why is it easier for my children to be the fairness police by remembering who sat by Daddy last night, who got served dessert first last Tuesday, and who had to take out the last stinky diaper three days ago than it is for them to remember to, say, pick their wet towels up off the floor?

Why is it that the minute I get into a good, satisfying sleep, (a huge rarity for the pregnant woman now as it is!) I'm guaranteed to have at least one if not more of the little people in my house decide they have to join me in bed? 

Why do parents buy their nine year old children their own phone with internet access?  I'm going to be selfish here and say that all it does is make my kids beg for their own cell phones, and that, my friends, just ain't happening.  (And really, does a third grader need her own phone?  Who is she going to call?)

Why, when it takes me 20 minutes to clean a room, does it take my toddler about 30 seconds to demolish it?

Why is it, when we sing lullabies to our son every night, enroll him in semester after semester of Music Together classes, and expose him to violin music every day of his life whether he likes it or not, that the first song he actually sings is the most annoying cub scout song possible?  And why does he have to repeat it 542 times a day?  And why do we need a song about a dead moose anyway?

Why do my kids appreciate macaroni and cheese with little cut up hot dogs infinitely more than the meals that I spend hours planning and preparing?  (Nothing like hearing "This is the best dinner ever, Mom!" when it came out of a Kraft blue box.)

And finally,

What in the name of garden produce happened to this tomato?  Early jack-o-lantern carving practice?  Tomato-sucking vampire?  A case of mistaken tomato identity? 

Never mind.  I don't wanna know.


  1. i think it looks like a pig nose :)

  2. I learned this lesson when I would ask my then-16 year old son how his school day was. Yeah. I know.

  3. Your tomato reminds me of butter sculptures I've discovered. And you are right, kids make as much sense as braille keys on the drive-up ATM. :)

  4. Wow. All excellent questions. Many I have thought to ask myself. But yeah. I don't really want to know the answers...

  5. Stacy, this is one of my favorite posts you've ever written. Maybe because I can relate to it all too well. We had sandwiches for dinner the other night, and not one word of complaint. tonight? It was a slavishly prepared homemade pot pie. And did the kids eat it? No.

    PS: My 3 yr old sings "Zoo Pals" -- that commerical for those animal designed paper plates -- relentlessly. As if nothing else will stick in his brain.

  6. Do we live at the same house? Or have the same kids?

    I especially love the one about remembering all the minute things you've ever said that you don't even remember saying and trying to hold you to them. We're in the thick of that one right now.

    And the phone/facebook account/can I have my own TV?/can I have such-and-such inappropriate video game because my friend does?, etc. thing? Yeah.

  7. My kids like to believe that those grindings at the sides of the road are for the blind drivers, so they know when they're out of their lane. Road Braille, we call it. (They're gifted. Honest.)

  8. LOL Yeah, I wouldn't want to know the answers to any of those questions either.

  9. If I ever find the answers to any of these, I will let you know.

  10. I think it looks like a clown nose.
    Great post by the way, you have some of the great questions of the ages.
    PS.I am stopping by from Mormon Mommy Blogs.
    PSS. About the chinese commenters, I have translated some of them, some have great insight and are real bloggers, and some are spam.

  11. I take questions like those and just put them on my "list of things to ask when I'm dead." The list is getting infinitely long. But at least I'll have all eternity to get the answers.

    Stopping by from MMB.

  12. Ditto to the memory thing--my kids do the same thing, and ditto to the 9-year-olds with cell phones. My kids will get cell phones when they can pay for the usage with their own money.

  13. If you can answer those questions, you will be the wisest woman to ever exist.


Related Posts with Thumbnails