You've heard about those so-called "Unanswerable Questions?" You know, like "Why do drive up ATM's have braille keyboards?" and "If 7-11 is always open, why are there locks on the doors?"
Well, I have some unanswerable questions of my own. For instance....
Why does Max always have to pee on the same spot on floor right in front of the bathtub? Why can't he just wait and pee when he gets in the tub? Or heaven forbid, pee in his diaper right before I take it off?
Why does my daughter, who regularly can't remember things like putting on clean underwear, and absolutely cannot process two-step directions, (i.e. "Put on a belt and come downstairs,") never fail to remember that two weeks ago last Tuesday I said that going to the pool would be fun and can we go right now, please, please please?
Speaking of, why is it easier for my children to be the fairness police by remembering who sat by Daddy last night, who got served dessert first last Tuesday, and who had to take out the last stinky diaper three days ago than it is for them to remember to, say, pick their wet towels up off the floor?
Why is it that the minute I get into a good, satisfying sleep, (a huge rarity for the pregnant woman now as it is!) I'm guaranteed to have at least one if not more of the little people in my house decide they have to join me in bed?
Why do parents buy their nine year old children their own phone with internet access? I'm going to be selfish here and say that all it does is make my kids beg for their own cell phones, and that, my friends, just ain't happening. (And really, does a third grader need her own phone? Who is she going to call?)
Why, when it takes me 20 minutes to clean a room, does it take my toddler about 30 seconds to demolish it?
Why is it, when we sing lullabies to our son every night, enroll him in semester after semester of Music Together classes, and expose him to violin music every day of his life whether he likes it or not, that the first song he actually sings is the most annoying cub scout song possible? And why does he have to repeat it 542 times a day? And why do we need a song about a dead moose anyway?
Why do my kids appreciate macaroni and cheese with little cut up hot dogs infinitely more than the meals that I spend hours planning and preparing? (Nothing like hearing "This is the best dinner ever, Mom!" when it came out of a Kraft blue box.)
Never mind. I don't wanna know.
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