Sunday, February 22, 2009

A vent and a PSA

Apparently, I go to a church where news travels pretty fast, because its very common for people to come up to me and ask me how Max is, and to hear some details. I've only told a couple of people what's going on, but it seems like everyone knows. There's horrible illnesses being passed around my neighborhood, and my daughters were both sick this weekend, so we left the kids at home and Tom and I alternated meetings today. I was on my way out when someone I don't know stopped me. I recognized her as being in my ward, but I couldn't give you her name if my life depended on it. She said to me without any introduction, "So what's wrong with your baby?" I stumbled around for a second, taken aback. She continued "What's wrong with him? I heard something was wrong with him." I smiled and gave a little chuckle, and she then said "I don't have all day, so you'll have to give me the watered down version."

What?!?!? I was astounded at how rude she was. First, to keep insisting that there was something "wrong" with my baby, and then to act like she was entitled to know everything that was going on and that I needed to "make it quick." Ugh. I know she probably didn't mean to be rude, and I know I probably taking this way too seriously, but I know that this is jus tthe first of many rude comments that I'm going to get, and I don't want to deal with it. He's cute, he's happy, and to me, he's perfect. Yes, he has a skull defect. Yes, we're going to get it repaired. But no, it doesn't define him as a person. I would much rather people ask me what is going on with my son rather than insinuating something is wrong. I hate the way people tend to flock to drama, and want all the details about doctors, surgeries, etc even when we're not even friends! I hate the misplaced pity. And when Max is done with surgery and has a huge scar running from ear to ear, I know I'm going to be surrounded by all sorts of inane comments, and I just don't want to deal with it. Yes, I'm frustrated and defensive. I'm probably reading way too much into this. But I've been struggling with the realities of our situation all weekend and this comment came at exactly the wrong time!

So here's the PSA: I don't mind aswering questions. I don't mind talking about it. Its not a huge secret. But don't come up to me demanding that I tell you my life story and my son's medical history. And if we're not friends, don't expect that I'm going to open up to you and tell you everything about what's going on. And for heaven's sake, if you want to know, at least be polite about it!

OK, vent over. I feel better now.


  1. Wow! The ignorance of some people is mind boggling. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. I think whatever great comeback you come up with for the scar, it should definitely have a line in it that smacks them in the face like.... He had surgery to correct a skull deformity.. if you want I can give you the number for the doc, I REALLY think he could help you out!

  2. I feel exactly the same way you do! I get people asking me questions all the time! I think news in my ward travels just as fast, people I don't know are coming up and asking when she's gonna have surgery and is she gonna be delayed. I'm like, who are you and what business is it of yours!


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