A Year Ago

A year ago, we were on our third cycle of clomid. I was on the maximus dosage after failing two cycles miserably, and was on my first cycle adding metformin. We had also recently decided it was our last cycle actively trying to conceive. We had been at it for over two years at that point, had one particularly awful miscarriage, and had decided that it was too expensive and too difficult emotionally to keep going. I was busy working as a doula, I had one daughter in kindergarten and one in preschool, and was starting to realize the value of having older kids. I actually got to the point in that cycle where I questioned why we were acutally doing this. I knew that our family wasn't complete, but I was done spending all my time and emotion on it. I was relieved and peaceful about the decision, and I peed on the pregnancy test to prove to myself that it was over. Shortly after, I wrote this post on one of the internet bulliten boards I belong to:

HOLY #$^&(!

Did you know that pregnancy tests have two lines? Did you know the second line actually appears?

Postive pregnancy test this morning at 12dpo.

Shocked doesn't even begin to describe it. I keep looking at the test- its still positive. My Husband can even see it.

We were done. This was our last cycle, which is why I haven't been around much. When my period came, we were going to throw out the meds, the thermometer, and just go on with our lives.

I'll be calling for a beta series and progesterone on Monday, and will have an early u/s as well. Feeling a very strong sense of disbelief right now.

It was a wild pregnancy, a wild birth, and its been a wild and amazing four months with him. But I wouldn't change a thing. Happy "We found out you were coming" day, buddy.