Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Dear Universe, Part 2

This post has a soundtrack.  In order to fully appreciate the dramatic intensity and literary genius of this post, you need to be listening  to "Uprising" by Muse. Go.  Now.  I'll wait. 

OK, all set?

Dear Ear Infection:  You think you won the battle, don't you?  Just because you survived despite a week of antibiotics, you think you get to stick around forever.  For once, I was the good mom and gave all the doses of antibiotics on time and yet you still come back to make my baby scream inconsolably and spike a fever.  Well, get ready.  We're heading back to the doctor, we're taking cultures, and we're coming back with bigger and better antibiotics.  Be afraid, very afraid.

Dear Children:  When you decide you need to barf all over the carpet, please at least have the courtesy to inform me about it.  That way, when I come stumbling down the stairs at an insanely early hour and step in something wet, I'll at least know who to blame  did it.  Yes, Max, that includes you.  I know you're not even fifteen months old yet, but somehow, we're going to have to come up with a sign that means "Mom, I just barfed all over the carpet and instead of getting a rag and cleaning it up, I decided to just toddle off on my merry way."

Dear Nurse at the Pediatrician's Office: Trust me, it's another ear infection.  I'm not paranoid, and I'm not trying to make your life hard. I am not a crazy mom and the last thing I want is another round of antibiotics.  Okay, maybe not the very last thing.  The last thing I want is to spend another day and night with a baby screaming in pain, refusing to sleep.  In other words, no, I don't want to wait until tomorrow morning to come in.  I just need someone to look in his ears and give me a prescription.  Is it really that hard?  Here, I'll trade ya.  You hold the screaming baby for a few minutes while I take a shower, and then tell me there's no available appointments today.  I dare ya.

Dear Sleep: I promise that someday, we will get reaquainted again.  Please don't abandon me for good.

Dear Hairstylist: I am so sorry I had to call and cancel my appointment this morning at the very last minute.  I know how annoying that is.  But it was that or bring my screaming, feverish toddler with me, and no one wants that.  Yes, I know I should have had a haircut six weeks ago.  Yes, I know that it's gotten so bad that if anyone from those TLC Makeover shows saw me, they would pass me over as a lost cause.  And yes, I know that my eyebrows have stopped looking like eyebrows and instead look more like two giant furry creatures that are taking over my face.  (Yes, I wax my eyebrows.  No judging allowed.)  A girl can only do so much.  Besides, a sick baby means that the only people that are going to see me are my pediatrician and my family.  I'm sure the pediatrician has seen worse.  At least I hope so....  Hey, I showered.  What more do you want?

Dear House: Please clean yourself.   Seriously.  We've been here a year and a half, and you have yet to use that "self clean" feature.  Today would be a good day.

Dear Laundry: See above.


  1. I waxed my eyebrows once :-D I've thought of getting it done again and then using some kind of makeup to make them dark enough so they're visible. I don't think they show up very well in real life, but in photographs where a flash is used they look awful, unless you like pointy 'Dracula' eyebrows.

  2. You're right. The sountrack really enhances the experience.

  3. hmmm, I agree, the throw up thing, not cool. He desperately needs a cute little sign :)

    I had my eyebrows waxed before, twice. I really like it but am too cheap. Now I'm just trying to keep them up but I'll probably have to get it done again. Oh and I need my hair cut too but I don't know who to go to. I wasn't happy the last time I got it cut. I asked for invisible layers, she gave me two hair lengths :p

  4. Dear Stacy: Just when life seems as crazy as it can possibly get, it just might get even crazier. (Okay, so maybe it already has.) The good news? You'll make it. And the adventure may be different, but I think I can say that I share at least some of the same feelings. You never know if someone saying they know how you feel is going to comfort or irritate, but I'll go out on a limb here. The point is just to say that I know that in the midst of all this STUFF, Heavenly Father isn't going to ditch you. And I wish I could come hold Max for you while you take that shower. :)

  5. LOL, well at least you can laugh about it all. Or, make us laugh about it all. *hugs*

  6. Sorry Stacy. I know sick, sad, cranky kids can be so very hard and draining! I hope the antibiotics work! If not, try some garlic oil. That stuff is amazing. I use it on my kids when they get ear infections (although I know its not the same thing). You can buy it at the health food store or just make it at home!

    Dear Universe,
    Please rain chocolate for Stacy today. She needs it.
    Thank you.

  7. I love your notes to your universe. So funny. I try and cast magic spells, threaten torching, etc, but my house is still trashed. Ugh...

    ps We got Muse tix for my 13 yr-old for Christmas and totally scored on cool points! Coming April 5!


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