OK, all set?
Dear Ear Infection: You think you won the battle, don't you? Just because you survived despite a week of antibiotics, you think you get to stick around forever. For once, I was the good mom and gave all the doses of antibiotics on time and yet you still come back to make my baby scream inconsolably and spike a fever. Well, get ready. We're heading back to the doctor, we're taking cultures, and we're coming back with bigger and better antibiotics. Be afraid, very afraid.
Dear Children: When you decide you need to barf all over the carpet, please at least have the courtesy to inform me about it. That way, when I come stumbling down the stairs at an insanely early hour and step in something wet, I'll at least know who
Dear Nurse at the Pediatrician's Office: Trust me, it's another ear infection. I'm not paranoid, and I'm not trying to make your life hard. I am not a crazy mom and the last thing I want is another round of antibiotics. Okay, maybe not the very last thing. The last thing I want is to spend another day and night with a baby screaming in pain, refusing to sleep. In other words, no, I don't want to wait until tomorrow morning to come in. I just need someone to look in his ears and give me a prescription. Is it really that hard? Here, I'll trade ya. You hold the screaming baby for a few minutes while I take a shower, and then tell me there's no available appointments today. I dare ya.
Dear Sleep: I promise that someday, we will get reaquainted again. Please don't abandon me for good.
Dear Hairstylist: I am so sorry I had to call and cancel my appointment this morning at the very last minute. I know how annoying that is. But it was that or bring my screaming, feverish toddler with me, and no one wants that. Yes, I know I should have had a haircut six weeks ago. Yes, I know that it's gotten so bad that if anyone from those TLC Makeover shows saw me, they would pass me over as a lost cause. And yes, I know that my eyebrows have stopped looking like eyebrows and instead look more like two giant furry creatures that are taking over my face. (Yes, I wax my eyebrows. No judging allowed.) A girl can only do so much. Besides, a sick baby means that the only people that are going to see me are my pediatrician and my family. I'm sure the pediatrician has seen worse. At least I hope so.... Hey, I showered. What more do you want?
Dear House: Please clean yourself. Seriously. We've been here a year and a half, and you have yet to use that "self clean" feature. Today would be a good day.
Dear Laundry: See above.