Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Spotting

I am 21 weeks pregnant today, and holding my breath.  I started spotting yesterday.  Mild, pink spotting.  Two midwives telling me "It's most likely nothing to worry about" spotting.  But that doesn't stop me from worrying.  Because somehow in the midst of the "Are you kidding me?  Now!!??" reaction to the initial positive pregnancy tests, and the weeks of negativity that gradually led from ambivalence to acceptance to excitement, I've become very attached to this little person growing inside of me.  I can't wait to meet him or her (and find out if it's him or her!) and add their personality and prescence to our home.

I feel the baby move every day, several times a day.  I adore that feeling, and the secret communication between my baby and me always brings a smile to my face.  Ashlynn felt the baby move for the first time tonight, the first of the family to have that physical manifestation of his or her prescense. 

I've never spotted in any of my healthy pregnancies. 

It could be nothing.  It could be something.  There's nothing for me to do now but wait it out, and see what presents itself. 

We have had so many medical dramas, surgeries, trips to doctors offices and emergency rooms in the past two years that psychologically, it's hard for me to fathom that something could go smoothly, normally, or proceed without a hitch. 

I am clinging to my deeply-held belief that birth is normal, that my body isn't broken, that I know how to grow, nourish, and birth a healthy baby. 

I am 21 weeks.  I have 3-4 weeks left until the baby is considered viable, and a good 16 weeks before we're considered full term. 

I'm hanging on for the ride.  Prayerful, emotional.  Hopeful.

11 comments:

  1. Hey Stacy, I don't know if it's any comfort but I didn't spot with any of my kids until my fourth and I was around 20 weeks when it started. It was my 5th pregnancy but 4th child and it turned out to be nothing and everything was fine. I remember how scary it was though! you'll be in our prayers!

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  2. My mom spotted a lot in her 3rd pregnancy. She was so worried about it, she prayed and promised HF that if she could carry the baby to term, she would do everything in her power to raise and mother him to follow Him. Turned out to be a good birth & a bit of a wild child (more ADD than anything else), and now? A great guy, father of 4 boys who are all, in many ways, reminiscent of him.

    My prayers are with you, every single day in this. Take it easy and keep the faith. Stay positive!!! SUrround yourself with positive people who believe in you.

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  3. Nothing is as intense as being pregnant. Under any other circumstances something that would normally be a "3" on any kind of scale is at least a "7" when you are pregnant! (And I mean anything: the joke is funnier, the movie is sadder, the touching moments more so, and the scary moments, too.) Hang in there, and we will be praying for you!

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  4. I hope everything turns out to be OK!

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  5. I spotted heavily with my first and I was sure I had miscarried. I was shocked when the doctor didn't seem alarmed at all. Everything turned out fine. I'll pray for the same for you.

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  6. Saying a prayer for you today. It has happened to me before and all was well.

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  7. I have no words of comfort (as usual:). Just know I am thinking of you and praying for you. Pregnancy is scary enough without adding any complications to it. Just take it easy. If it doesn't have to be done, don't do it.

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  8. You had posted about Previa (spelled?) Could be just your body making some adjustments and that correcting itself? Positive thought and prayers coming your way.

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  9. Prayers--and if it's any consolation I spotted throughout 3 out of my 4 pregnancies. Though it was scary all 3 times and every time I did, I worried.

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